Change is hard, this is why.
Why is changing so hard? Whatever it is, has become a well-worn habit and habits provide familiar. Familiar is comfort. So, it is confronting the unfamiliar and often the UNcomfortable in order to change behavior.
See: cigarettes, alcohol/weed consumption, avoiding exercise, eating highly processed foods over more whole foods, staying up too late, unkept house, projects left untouched.... you name it.
The biggest mountain is the internal mountain.
Every behavior brings us a benefit of some sort, or we wouldn't do it. Usually it is a short-term benefit over the long-term. We want immediate pleasure or comfort (NOW!) instead of facing the uncomfortable now in order to attain the longer term benefits.
These are competing interests:
I want to feel good right now.
and also....I want to achieve this goal which will require some sacrifices (like quitting smoking, drinking, modifying my food intake, etc.) which may make me be uncomfortable.
Research shows we change best by feeling good. How do we reframe all of this then and get to feeling good while doing the changing?
If we expect some things to be hard, we are better able to confront it when we experience it. Not everything is going to be easy or comfortable, and that is where people typically get hung up.
**We also know that when we are uncomfortable in a workout, acknowledging the discomfort and even cussing about it improves performance. This is called association vs. disassociation.
However, we can make things easier by lowering the bar for entry. Recognize that you may have unmet needs that could drive the behavior that you want to stop. Is it anxiety or loneliness, boredom, ritual, or just a ceremonial practice that signals it your time to unwind? (There can be a lot of reasons.)
Decouple these patterns of behavior and the needs that are being unmet or met by the habit.
We've established the competing interests.... and so we need to reframe this. While I may want the immediate pleasure of alcohol (insert whatever else), I want to be energized and well rested the next day—MORE.
Put the emphasis on what you want for your long-term goal MORE vs. the immediate short-term comfort.
One mindset habit practice from researcher BJ Fogg, PhD:
Celebrate or give yourself some glowing recognition and praise for three moments in establishing a new habit. We could discuss at length what/how you can make this internal process meaningful to you.
The moment you remember to do your new habit.
While doing your new habit.
Immediately after doing your new habit.
Noticing at these three stages while also giving yourself acknowledgment and celebration reinforces the behavior. “What fires together, wires together.”
“What fires together, wires together.”
Mindset matters. It's not just a pie in the sky notion, but when used in a practical and intentional way, can improve your overall well-being and reaching your goals.
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Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and should not replace professional medical or psychological advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider before making any significant changes to your lifestyle or healthcare regimen.
